Dear bloggers,

Matt was very moved by a comment made last week by one of our very articulate and loyal bloggers, Ani Rose.  Ani’s comment struck Matt as so important that he asked me to post the comment in its entirety on the main page of the Blog.  It follows, along with Matt’s response.

Warm regards,

Richard
Blog editor

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Dear Matt,

I'm not terribly upset that the recognized "traditional" family has been forced to change. There was an awful lot of unsaid unequalities in that old system of "respect thy elders no matter what" and "Children should be seen and not heard," and "Graduate, get a job, do it for life, retire." Abuse in families was rampant without enough attention to the fact that it is wrong.  Etc., etc.
 

I was brought up in a very broken family. I rebelled and have brought my own children up away from those folks and very differently. We are very honest and outspoken with each other, and I am as accountable to them as they are to me. They can have every feeling they need to have. They can disagree and make their own choices. My job is to help them learn how to make good choices. My job is to help them experience their own heart, insights, ideas, questions and gut. We are equals, spritually, and different in how we do things and what things we can do.

Because we do not live in a bed of secrets, there is much greater peace in my family than the one I grew up in. My kids and I can disagree vehemently, and still there is peace, because we are honest about who we are, and respect each others right to be who we are.  It's a little more than mere tolerance, and it starts first with myself and then with my family.

If we are going to have a whole new system of "family," it can't be like the OLD one -- it must be without secrets... with mutual respect and accountability.

Our governments can only learn lessons from that kind of system. My daughter is only seven, first grade. Half the students in her class are still learning English. More than half live with only one parent. Two live with two mommies. Differences are out in the open. Everyone can be equal that way. Differences can be talked about and experienced. Everyone is respected that way.  Individuality is tolerated and respected and being able to do that becomes the norm.

It is easy for kids. I think it's definitely in our gene structure to be able to love anyone, people totally different. In fact, when we do, we bring out the best in them and ourselves, like infants do. We need to learn from the children who have grown up in gangs rather than traditional families. Something about their rebellion was probably necessary. Rather than go backwards, or lament what is gone, or "blame" everything on the rebelling ones... let's learn something about why they rebelled, what they want instead. Lets learn something from the children growing up in classrooms like my daughters. They TALK about things, differences, how to stand up for yourself, but not hurt anyone. They practice solving problems. They sing about every color and shape being okay.  There are the lessons for a NEW set of "family" traditions and definitions. Goals change then too -- one career forever whether or not you like it? No way. Have ten!  Be happy and smart. Question everything. Do things differently.

I tend to think similarly about art, art genres, master paintings, etc. Things change. New movements have great reason to be, just like traditional movments had. More definitions will come about. More rebellion and more inclusiveness at once. Who says it has to be THAT way???? And who says it doesn't?  Let's accept ALL of it and have no need to negate any of it.

That's my religion:  Accept all, negate none. Keep going.

Thanks for the opportunity to think, Matt.

Ani Rose 

Dear Ani,

Your essay should be required reading to all participants in our meeting of the New Los Alamos.  It is so rich and textured with ideas to be debated, meditated upon, used for conversational, and in-depth analysis.  All of the aspects of the human condition are touched on in your comments.  It is people like you who think about it and write about it, and through you, I believe we can come to some sort of new way of looking at peace.

Thanks for keeping this great conversation going for the new peace that we will be looking for.  And thanks for sharing with us your insights, wisdom, experience, knowledge, the good and bad things that happened, the transparency, the candor, and the wisdom.  This is what we’re looking for in this world.  For all of us on the blog, we salute you.

Matt